Sometimes I feel like we really live out in the sticks. The other day a guy came around selling horse manure. What, horse manure? Yeah, you know, for fertilizing. Mom always bought some this time of year. I think it’s good for the rose bushes or something. Hey honey, are you buying this shit? Yeah, this guy is peddling crap in a van. I don’t know if we really need this shit. I mean, we don’t have to take this guy’s horseshit if we don’t want to. Okay man, how much you want for this shit?
It was 10€ a bag, three bags for 25€. We got three bags.
I noticed something unusual in my server logs today: a bunch of people had arrived at my blog from stormfront.org. I’d heard that domain name before: it’s a notorious “white pride” / neo-nazi forum. What on earth have I said to raise their ire? I followed it back to the source, and I shit you not:
Race mixing movie director Neil Hardwick oddly happens to have curly hair and odd nose. He claims that he is noble Englishman from England, but he looks like Krakow ghetto rat. My instincts tell me that when you have Woody Allen type film director promoting race mixing and “young love”, then chances that he is Jew are like 100%.
It’s about my dad’s movie which has a black leading man and a white leading lady. But this doesn’t explain the blog traffic…
His son has a blog. A bit non-PC and an anti-gay remark in the top right. Perhaps he should be reported. I can’t find out if the family are Jews from the web – but I bet they are with this getting Finnish girls to go with Blacks propaganda.
Shit, the Nazis like me! The anti-gay thing is probably a reference to the random quote element, one of the quotes it can serve up being
Anyone who can’t visualise themselves walking in a beautiful field of wild flowers in a state of mental and spiritual well-being is a faggot
I can’t believe it, I’m too subtle for someone! Too bad they have the verbal reasoning skills of a boiled potato. At least I’ve found my audience.
For the full experience, the thread is here. Oh, and don’t go read it if you’re upset by that sort of thing or are at work etc. Or at least don’t complain to me about it.
I haven’t the comedic vocabulary for the various joke types the Goons used to do, but most of them seem to have gone extinct. Audio-only comedy these days means narrative, not conceptual sight/sound -gags. Here’s a very identifiable joke type, done twice as the same basic gag:
Grytpype-Thynne dictates a letter (basic joke)
The 4th armoured thunderboxes negotiate with the Japanese (a more elaborate version of same)
Some wonderful lunatic has done a bunch of the most amazing flash-based websites I’ve ever seen for US churches.
Evangel Cathedral – they’ve got everything. Seriously. When you get bored with the minutes-long flash intro and click through it, check out “ministries” from some smooth porn funk about Jesus. In fact look at pretty much anything, it’s amazing, each section has its own theme tune and voiceover.
Sexy Church of Christ – actually called VTC Ministries. You have to see it to disbelieve it.
DAVE: You wanted me?
CARLOS: Yes, it’s about this machine… it isn’t working.
DAVE: Yeah, it’s broken.
CARLOS: You knew it’s broken? Why did you give me a broken one?
DAVE: You said you wanted a broken coffee maker.
CARLOS: Yeah, but this one isn’t working.
DAVE: What do you mean? It’s not supposed to.
CARLOS: Why would I want a machine that doesn’t work?
DAVE: Well, I don’t know, but you said a broken coffee maker so I brought you one.
CARLOS: Yeah, and I have my broken coffee right here and this thing doesn’t work!
DAVE: Oh! I see. You wanted broken coffee, not a broken machine!
CARLOS: I wanted a BROKEN COFFEE MAKER. Is that so hard to understand?
DAVE: I’ll get right on it.
***
DAVE: Yes?
CARLOS: I just wanted you to know you’re fired. This doesn’t work either.
DAVE: What? No, I’m sure it does! I tested it myself right before I brought it here!
CARLOS: Well, look. The coffee’s just lying there.
DAVE: You mean that cup of broken coffee? You made it with the machine, right? What’s wrong?
CARLOS: No, I brought the coffee to work with me. The machine isn’t making it do anything.
DAVE: You want the machine to make it do something?
CARLOS: Well, it’s a broken coffee maker, right? Here’s the broken coffee, it isn’t being made into anything or to do anything.
DAVE: Maybe we need a broken cup…
CARLOS: Shut up! You idiot!
DAVE: Oh yeah? Make me shut up.
CARLOS: Ha ha, I don’t have a shut up maker. I mean, a Dave maker.
Michael Steinberg writes of the above section (from the Vivace [of Beethoven's String Quartet in F, Op. 135]):
Then it is time for Beethoven to turn to one of his favourite tricks, the one where he simply picks up an idea boldly and puts it down again on another pitch the way you might pick up your cat and move it from your favourite chair to another.
I am fully in favour of this feline-oriented musical interpretation.
Whenever a programmer thinks, “Hey, skins, what a cool idea”, their computer’s speakers should create some sort of cock-shaped soundwave and plunge it repeatedly through their skulls.
I am fully in support of this proposed audio-cock technology.
Toimituksen kokoama yli sadan taiteen, tieteen ja median vaikuttajan joukko vastasi kysymykseen “Onko viisi paljon vai vähän?” “Joo”, katsoo 41 prosenttia BS-raadin vastaajista. Kielteisen vastauksen antoi 33 prosenttia.
Kysymyksen taustalla on keskustelu siitä, miten mielipidetiedusteluista voitaisiin tehdä nykyistä huonompia. Alustavien tuloksien mukaan otosten vähentäminen 5000:sta sataan ja kysymysten vaihtaminen esseemäistä pyörittelyä vaativiin käsittämättömyyksiin saattaa auttaa tai olla auttamatta (raadista 69% ei osannut sanoa kumpi vastausvaihtoehto tarkoitti kumpaa).
BS-raadin vastauksia:
KYLLÄ
ARS CLANDERSON:
Kysymys on provokatiivinen – kyllä ja ei. Viisi lasillista vettä olisi aika paljon yhteen menoon, mutta entä viisi perunalastua? Siitä en olisi enää niin varma.
LIBA KUMBERG:
Emme saa jumittua menneisyyden ummehtuneisiin juoksuhautoihin riitelemään siitä, mitä 5 on. Tärkeämpää on mitä voimme tehdä siitä. Länsimaisena demokratiana Suomi tarvitsee tulevaisuudessa mahdollisimman suurta 5-numeraalia sekä vähätöisiä hommia mediapersoonallisuuksille.
LOMMI TIIMATTA:
Joo. Paitsi nakkikiskalla.
EI
MÄNTTI LYNÉN:
Itse kysymykseen vastaan ei, jo siksi ettei ole sellaista “lukua viisi” joka voisi “olla paljon”. Toisaalta: jos olisi, mitä sitten? Minun elämääni 5 ei vaikuta mitenkään. Kaupan kassat ja muut pillerinpyörittäjät saavat puolestani keskittyä siihen sydämensä kyllyydestä. En ole koskaan pitänyt matematiikasta. Puhelinnumerossanikaan ei ole viitosta.
JAATKO RÄMEEN-KATTILA:
En oikein osaa sanoa tähän mitään, koska en tunne asiaa enkä ymmärtänyt kysymystä. Vastaan kuitenkin ei, koska en halua olla ottamatta kantaa.
EN OTA KANTAA:
RAX MAHIPPAINEN:
Siis mähän sanoin viimeks etten halua vastata enää näihin vitun kysymyksiin
I was actually saving that title for my cultural studies (yes, thisreallyexists) thesis but the cover of the newly released Deep Fritz 11 (a computer chess program) was just too evocative for me:
Ample evidence of [Short's lack of subtlety] is on the record, not the least of which was his response to a question posed by a French journalist that “France represents everything I detest most in life. Your country’s only useful products are porn films.”
In addition, and as many other Grandmasters seem to, Short has a tendency to describe this apparently (to us patzers) docile, if cerebral, game in largely sexual language. And it’s rough sex Nigel seems to be looking for.
Dominic Lawson’s book The Inner Game has the slight, rather imp-ish Short quoted as saying about a particular opponent: “I’m going to give it to him good and hard. I’m going to give the guy a good rogering. I’m going to give it to him good and hard, right up him. I want to rape and mate him.” Tyson language in spectacles.
Lawson also reports that in Barcelona in 1987 he first heard Short use the acronym TDF, which he imagined to be a contraction of some arcane chess strategy. Short and the American Grandmaster Yasser Seirawan kept using the expression while poring over a board and discussing tactics. Finally Lawson asked them what it meant. In unison, and with evident pleasure, they growled back:
Writing my previous entry put me in such a good mood that I had to check out a web forum I frequent for trolling opportunities. An evangelical Christian guy who suspects Barack Obama is a sign of the End Days had weighed in with:
Now, once again, I am certainly NOT saying that I definitely think that Barack Obama is the AntiChrist who is foretold about in the Bible.
However….
Barack Obama IS a current United States Senator from the state of Illinois…
And…
For Wednesday, November 5th, (which was the first full day of Barack Obama being the President-elect of the United States), the winning evening “Pick 3″ lottery number in the Ilinois state lottery was… 6-6-6.
Not that this *definitely* means anything of course…
I’d been previously commenting that I hoped Obama might indeed be the Antichrist (why choose the lesser evil?) and wrote:
Well, that clinches it for me. To those with biblical knowledge: what kinds of blood sacrifices are most pleasing to the Antichrist? Should they be burnt sacrifices or should I just slaughter them at an altar and then do whatever with them? Do I need to build a special altar for this?
I kill myself.
And yes, I’m completely sober. But yeah, I should probably go to bed now.
