What dating is really about
Tommi:
I have now been in a relationship for two years. Believe it or not, every dog has its day.
Not once in my life have I been in a date, since I have held to the principle that unless I am accepted immediately and without negotiations, I might just as well not be accepted at all. I have also never bought a drink for a woman in a bar. I have bought rounds for my male friends, but my principle has been that women already get enough free drinks in this world to start with.
Just to get an idea what my life would have been like as a woman, let me describe an incident in the university cafeteria when a gay man who I knew asked me to join him to a party in another town. I would have been given a free ride and free drinks and would have, in one shot, made my face far better known in the cultural circles than I could have achieved on my own in a year. I would have earned gratitude and money for agreeing to certain favours.
The guy who made these offers was smart and had attractive looks and lifestyle. Were I playing for the other team, I don't think that I would consider dating him any kind of sacrifice.
Dating culture is prostitution, why deny it? If I was a woman and had lived to this age by constantly switching to better boyfriends, I wouldn't really have any reason to deny that I had been for sale. Men just are so generous. I would have been given all kinds of goodies especially during the initial phase of the relationship, even if I had tried to avoid receiving them.
The singles culture and serial monogamy a.k.a. "dating" are based on this: the woman receives the best benefits during the initial phase of the relationship, so it is more productive for her to gather several initial phases instead of just one. All kinds of excuses such as "growing as a person", "emotional problems", "falling in love with another" and "incompatibility of souls" are nothing but fairy tales meant to cover this simple and obvious fact.
People who are in long-term relationships are healthier, happier and more content with their lives than people who jump from one short-term relationship to another. This is why all those "falling in love with another" and related excuses are nothing but smokescreen: if people really wanted to have more short-term relationships, having them would make them happier on average than people in long-term relationships. Simple as that.
Commitment is good for a person. This seems self-evident, and the reasons might be biological or (I am just spinning a theory here) perhaps a long commitment frees resources and energy to other activities. I leave as an exercise for the reader to think about why it is beneficial for people who live the singles lifestyle that fewer other people are in committed relationships. Once you come up with the answer, you know where the ideology of "be strong and dare to follow your emotions" of women's magazines comes from.
Comments