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Fungineers, assemble

I know that lots of people out there think that Star Wars and Disneyland are the two greatest things ever. But I have to apologize and say that I have never even began to understood the appeal of either institution of modern Americana.

I saw the first Star Wars movie (which is, as we all know, an allegory about homosexuality) when I was a kid and it was okay. I saw the other two movies much later on video and was quite disappointed, and having grown up I really can't understand what the whole fuss is about. Every movie of the Star Wars franchise has been quite stupid in every possible sense and respect, and even the vaunted special effects weren't really that special. A while ago I walked in while my wife was watching "Return of the Jedi" whatever remastered special extra edition it was, at the scene where the gang is hovering in Jabba's floater above that whatever that giant vagina dentata was called, and for a moment there I honestly thought that I was watching the Muppet Show. The later movies (which incidentally are also allegories of homosexuality) have been skewered by disappointed nerds many times already, even though these obese losers are powerless not to go see them ten times and shell out their money to George Lucas while they grind their teeth in anger. Meesa funny!

I have never been to Disneyland, but I have formed my opinion based on everything that I have read and heard of it. I am sure that the rides are exciting especially if you are a kid, but then again, they had better be to compensate waiting for line for an hour or so in sweltering heat, surrounded by an endless stream of kids who are screaming and yelling the way kids always do everywhere where they congregate in large numbers. I can't imagine a ride existing anywhere that would make me do that. I don't think that anything less than a line of Playboy Playmates giving free blowjobs would be worth the cost and hassle.

Incentives matter. Speaking of which, if I have understood correctly, the Disney parks have a policy of letting disabled people and the people who accompany them freely jump to the front the line at every ride. Economists sometimes talk about "perverse incentives", and I clearly see some emerging in here! Therefore, as my late entrance for the "Blogging Against Disablism Day", I could repeat a suggestion that I once read at alt.tasteless, and propose that some entrepreneurial spirit starts a "rent-a-tard" service near the Disney parks. Some all-American family who is probably already shelling out a few grand for their Disney vacation would probably happily pay a few hundred bucks extra and push around some extra-chromosome carrier if this lets them avoid waiting in line for hours.

If this service becomes so popular that it runs out of genuinely disabled people, it could just hire unemployed actors to sit in a wheelchair. Or heck, just have a guy say that he is soon dying of cancer or something. It's not like the Disney employees would start arguing with this or check these claims if they are really disabled or anything. And even if they weren't, heck, isn't disability socially constructed anyway? Nobody is really "healthy" or "normal", but all of us are only "temporarily abled". In fact, isn't it us boring normos who are evil and wrong, whereas the disabled people are little angels on Earth?

2 comments

Maoist movie reviews:
http://www.etext.org/Politics/MIM/movies/
This stuff is just priceless.

I thought I was the only person in the world who's got no use for either of those things.

Nice to know there's two of us now.

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