On social discomfort

Posted by – November 27, 2007

Question: do people find it easier to be around friends than non-friends? Shurely.

If you know me, you probably know that it’s difficult for me to be comfortable around other people. There are many reasons for this and it’s a pretty common characteristic. But this is odd: it’s not particularly better around friends. I even feel a kind of special pressure to make the situation function, to keep everyone from getting embarrassed or bored (by me). This is a pretty stupid way to think about one’s friends, but I do it anyway.

Does this mean that I don’t really think of my friends as friends, but as social obligations? I don’t know, maybe. Probably not. It’s not as if I feel obligated to get into many more social situations than I want to (if you know me you probably also know that I seldom go anywhere or do anything).

Probably the reason I can sometimes be oblivious to social pain around non-friends is that I care about them less, and (these days) have sufficient self-confidence to think that maybe they’re bored because they’re boring.

Bottom line: it sucks to care about people.

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