Tag: film


Posted by – March 3, 2011

(Seen at the film archive’s theatre, Orion.)

Also, #aspekti, the irc channel for linguistic folks at the U of H, set out to collectively write a pornographic short story (in Finnish) with one word per contribution:

Olin diskossa. Sinä katsahdit jotakuta merkitsevästi. Otin taikurinhattuni repustani ja puin sen kaverilleni. Kaverini näytti minulle kännykästä välilihakuvia. Aloin kiihottua.

Lähdin kohti sinua päättäväisin vaikkakin väräjävin askelin. Sinä näit etäältä ilmeessäni jotain, joka sai olemuksesi hiuksenhienosti pelästyneeksi. Saavutin sopivan nopeuden karkottaakseni tarpeettomat hännystelijäsi. Nyt oli aika kuunnella kupeitteni kutsua.

Nostin sinut ilmaan kuin käärepaperin. Sinä söit aina niitä helvetin valkosipulikaramelleja. Kannoin sinut autolleni. Vaihdekeppi tarttui paidanliepeeseesi ja paljasti maidonvalkean kylkesi. Kaluni päätti laueta kalsareihin, mistä sait aiheen ruveta hihittämään ilkikurisesti. Päätin rangaista tästä jompaakumpaa, kaluani tai pilluasi. Päädyin valitsemaan molemmat.

Tartuin toimeen ja sitten hameeseesi. Vedin kaikki vaatteesi kumimatolle. Silmistäsi paistoi pelonsekainen himo. Kaluni ei ollut koskaan ollut toipunut niin nopeasti. Tiesit että olin valmis vaikka uskoin ettet koskaan antaisi anteeksi jos pakottaisin sinut ajattelemaan minua. “Sinä säälittävä mato”.

En murtunut tästä vaan kovetuin entisestään. Painoin taikanappiasi hellästi tupakansytyttimellä kunnes tajusin että se oli pois yhteisestä ajastamme. Vaihdoin otetta ja kuiskasin korvaasi “Et viitsisi antaa minun selviytyä tästä tästä voittajana?” Samalla olin ottanut kulauksen rohkaisevaa ja kaatanut sinut lasiini. Rintasi pullottivat revenneen toppisi lähellä. Asetuin niiden yläpuolelle kuin muinainen munainen Kolossus. “Palvo näitä kuin olisit saanut kohtauksen”, huusin lihasteni sykkiessä rytmikkäästi. Halusin koskettaa huuliasi mutta ne pelottivat paksuudellaan. Mistä olitkaan puhumassa? Kenties

It’s the kind of text that doesn’t really lose much on google translation (I cheated a bit by adding some words it missed):

I was a disco. I looked for someone you significantly. I took wizard hat from my backpack and gave it some characteristics friend. My friend showed me the meat of the mid-term mobile phone images. I started to become aroused.

I went towards you and decisive, albeit trembling steps. You saw from afar in my expression something that got your being frightened by a whisker. I reached a suitable speed to expel unwanted minions. Now it was time to listen to my loins invite.

Lift you into the air as the wrapping paper. You had always those damn garlic sweets. I carried you to the car. Grabbed the gear shift, and revealed your shirt hem milk white side. Decided to go off my dick underwear, where did you begin to rise giggle teasingly. I decided to punish this one, or my dick pussy. I decided to choose both.

I picked up the action and then your skirt. I pulled all the clothes in the rubber mat. Shining in your eyes the fear messy lust. My dick had never been recovered so quickly. You knew that I was ready even though I believed you’d never forgive if forcing you to think of me. “You pathetic worm.”

I do not fractured, but it harden even more. Your magic button gently pressed cigar-lighter until I realized that it was out of a common age. I changed the grip on your ear and whispered “You do not care to let me come out of this a winner here?” At the same time I took a sip of encouraging and knocked down you into my glass. Bulging breasts ruptured your top close. I settled above them as an ancient egg of Colossus. “Worship as you would have received such a scene,” yelled the muscles pulsing rhythmically. I wanted to touch your lips but they are scared thickness. Where were you all talking about? Perhaps

Beautiful pop junk

Posted by – January 14, 2011

Now that Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have been given a plausible artistic sheen and a lesbian scene in Black Swan, it’s time to do some milking, with some of the most beautiful instant market segmenting I can recall. Really, it brings a tear to my eye. Their next movies will be No Strings Attached for Natalie Portman:

Don't need a trailer to spoil this one

Don't need a trailer to spoil this one

and Friends With Benefits (yup, the tagline from Natalie’s movie) for Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake:

Is he saying something goofy or relating a hilarious anecdote depicting reckless but non-threatening pleasure-seeking? Youll have to see the movie! Also check out the body language: Milas submissive head posture & open body posture, Justin with the standard low-held drink, exposed crotch, taking up space, displaying some arm muscle... Uh, excuse me for a moment, I have to go have a cold shower

Is he saying something goofy or relating a hilarious anecdote depicting reckless but non-threatening pleasure-seeking? You'll have to see the movie! Also check out the body language: Mila's submissive head posture & open body posture, Justin with the standard low-held drink, exposed crotch, taking up space, displaying some arm muscle... Uh, excuse me for a moment, I have to go have a cold shower

Anyway, you might think this is a catty competitive situation with the two hot leading ladies doing the exact same movie at the same time (made and distributed by different companies though), but I think it’s sheer brilliance on everyone’s part. It makes people choose sides, augmenting the brands of everyone involved in whatever way the movies end up being perceived.

And for the short term, it’s beautiful segmenting – by being so similar, these two cheap-to-make movies force differentiation of perception. No Strings Attached is Facebook to Friends With Benefits’ MySpace. NSA is for white kids, FWB is for black and latino kids. NSA is sophisticated and tense, FWB is cozy and fun. NSA will gamely play around a little with gender and sexual norms before concluding with an absolutely standard resolution, FWB will play it 100% straight, probably with a sexual modesty / morality point in there somewhere. You get the idea.

I feel like a happy duck with a plastic funnel going down my oesophagus blasting rich, fattening meal & pop junk & cultural norms into my gut. Or would if I went to see movies like this. For now I’m actually just doing it to myself in my imagination! Okay, time to wrap it up.

Pickup in Vicky Christina Barcelona analyzed by Roissy

Posted by – May 15, 2010

Back when I saw Woody Allen’s movie Vicky Christina Barcelona I wrote that it had some remarkable pieces of seduction technique. This has been confirmed by analysis by one of my favourite Internet hate figures, Roissy:

0:46 – 0:55 Juan’s body language is half his game. His gait is steady and slow, his face expressionless except for the flash of a slight wry smile. When he approaches, he takes his sweet time getting there. Also notice how he lets his gaze deliberately linger on the less attractive/less playful Vicky first, and then switches looking at Cristina. He knows, before he’s even said one word, who the potential cockblock is and how the process of disarming her takes precedence before anything else. Always address the less attractive/more anal retentive girls in a group first, unless it’s a mixed group of men and women, in which case address the men first.

The creeping move

Posted by – October 31, 2008

Of the recently finished Chess World Championship my favourite moment came in game 10, the only one Kramnik won. In this position:

Kramnik as white made the move Qa6. Ignoring black’s c-pawn, white moves the queen one square without attacking any undefended piece or creating a threat against black’s king. Why make such a move? From a6 the queen denies black’s knight access to c4, controls b7 and prepares the way for the advance of white’s a-pawn. Black’s positional problems are nailed down and white ends up marching the a-pawn to drive away black’s knight, then taking control with a rook on the b-file with black seemingly helpless to do much about it. This sort of quiet, approaching, limiting move is often called a “creeping move”. It’s very difficult for weak players like me to understand when such a move is strong, but it was a pleasure to see it work so effectively here. Kramnik said of this phase of the game “It seems that I didn’t do anything special and then the position was already winning… it’s a pleasant surprise.” A unique perspective.

It would be nice to be able to make creeping moves in life as well, but in general it’s just too complicated. People can decide not to play by the rules you expect them to. Perhaps this sort of thing can happen in politics or war.

Today I saw Woody Allen’s new film Vicky Cristina Barcelona which partly made me think of this. The first quarter or so of the film contains some excellent portrayals of the psychological views of PUAs (Pick-Up Artists), presumably unintentionally. I don’t know does Javier Bardem’s character exactly make creeping moves, but he certainly leaves practically no choice to the women he seduces.

The film also has a somewhat bleak but potentionally educational view of American women, or possibly women in general (it was difficult to tell). There may certainly be an interesting lesson in the film on that theme for some people amongst my readership. Overall I must say I don’t understand why the cultured anglosphere of The Guardian and NYT seems to have turned its back on Allen. They say he’s just a boring, creepy, ogling old man now but I suspect they’re just jealous.